i know i dont have the right to talk to you and tell what i feel..

cause were over, even we havent started..

its my fault that nothing happen to us..

maybe because i did not hear the words that iam expecting when i ask you..

or maybe i  love you less, than before..

at first i thought iam not hurting, but now its killing me..

you had moved on easily, when you said to me that your not yet ready..

you are completely happy, when i promised to go back and fix things up..

you are with someone, when i found out iam still into you..

ive hurted you and now iam in pain..

will i be following you? or moved on my own?..

I really don’t know what happen to me for the past months. Am I possessed by the spirit of juan tamad? or he was me on my past life?. How could I forget, one of nephews treated me for a snack when we are at the mall, he’s just a student! Hehehe!.. it should be a vice versa right? Iam so irresponsible for myself.. this thing made myself to become closer to my family and spend more time my friends..  But the one that Iam seeing right now is not the person that I wanted to become.. Iam disturbed.. partly broken but still fixable..

Iam so useless, all I did was making myself happy, go on tripping and have some fun. At first it really felt so good, yes! money is the best tanquilizers.. But later on I almost lost my savings.. too bad! iam not only PAL in the house but also a pentioner.. lol! I still manage to go out if I want to, though I don’t have enough money.. Iam blessed to be surrounded by good friends, sometimes I let them treat me, but Iam not asking, just sometimes! Hehehe! So I decided that my last hang out with them will be one in the platinum.. promise! I’ve spent a lot of time doing things that I wanted to do, which I could not when I was working.

Since after our last trip from Ilocos, that would be two months ago I think, I haven’t submitted any application. Though there are some who’s calling from my pending applications, I tend to reschedule it or not to go at all. Seem’s that I’am not that serious to get a job. Maybe because I have my family, I became so dependable with them..

Then one of my plans before was arisen to my mom’s mind. I will be flying to SG in a few days from now.. Thanks to my siblings for lending me some moneys. The world is still on crisis, but I will just try my luck in there. I think going there will give me drive to be productive, and to start to fix myself. I will be leaving alone again but, now its different, I will be spending a month or two on the other land and hunt for a job. If there will be an opportunity that will be great. If there’s none is it good too. I will just go back here and will immediately seek for the job. Definitely Iam driven on that time because I know I do have obligations to pay.

I only said this plan to a few friends, because it is not a big thing. And there is a chance that they will all ask for a despida.. hehehe! I know they will understand if I will not grant it, I need money for me to survive there and for me to go back here in the Philippines. But if they will be reading this: “now you’ll know!”.. hehehe! Your prayers will be a lot of help.. Hope God will..

We started the day looking for Mang Inasal in Trinoma, at di namin nakita, so we went to SM North for our lunch. Then decided to go back to Trinoma and have some coffee talk.. hahaha! While on the way back, we pass by to a car a show and got a free axe chocolate, at first I thought it was a real chocolate because of the packaging, pabango pala.. We had a coffee at the Coffee Bean, then decided to watch a 3d film, because all of us haven’t experienced watching to imax.. ice age 3 lng ang sa imax. Kaya ayun!  While waiting for the show, we roamed around trinoma and bumped in to our college classmate and originally barkadang babae ng dalawa.. Because they teased the girl, nalibre kami ng dairy queen, we invited them to join us in watching since may lakad din sya humiwalay na kami after makuha ng ice cream.. hehehe! Nakarma ata kami kasi indi nmin ncmulan yung film, mga 2 mins late cguro kami.. Nadala ng shades ang imax.. hehehe! but seriously it is good, not because of the price but for the quality.. nakahilo lng minsan o nainosente lng ako.. lol..

After the movie we decided to go home kasi ala pang tulog yung mga kasama ko, kasi galling work. Paglabas may fireworks! Lupit, almost 30 mins, kaya lng amoy usok because sa SM yung fireworks. Then of them wanted to have some good drink.. kaya lng antok na yung isa, uwian na..

Most of the expenses ay sagot ng dalawa.. salamat mga pare koi.. babawi n lng ako sa susunod!

I think the best thing happened in this not so productive time of my life is Iam getting to know myself more and better?., I discovered some sort of me that I don’t think that Iam not before. Aside from being thicked-face, na one time I’ve ask a girl to meet me, supposedly ako dapat yung taya, I’ve just let her to treat me (shame on me!)… Enough with the bad, lets go the worst things.. hehehe! Lately Iam into movies and televisions series: drama and war interests me a lot, I really don’t know if its because that’s the only thing I’ve got or because I love it.. In drama movies and series showed me the reality of life, the importance of the things and the people that surrounds you.. to be honest I cried on some of the episodes of the one tree hill.. About the war, its started after I’ve watched the Miracle at St.Anna, then I started watching again the Band of Brothers, followed by the Valkyrie then The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas all of them centered on the world war II.. I read some articles about it, Iam not against the Germans but look what they’ve done especially the camps they created for the Jews. So bad!..  Right now Iam into the series “Over There” its about the war in Iraq.. it only shows that world peace is a dream..

Lets go to the lighter side.. Today is different I appreciate more the “art of life,” literally the art when I saw a 46 million pesos painting of Juan Luna the “Parisian Life” a painting of Parisian Lady and in the background are three Filipino heroes that includes Rizal.. at first I really don’t know why is that too special, it has its own room on the museum while the others are posted in the hallway.. then I remembered the controversy behind that painting.. As I went back home I searched for it, It was bought by the GSIS in an auction in Hong Kong for 46M.. many people thought it’s a waste of money.. but there is good point from GSIS they said that it’s our treasure so it need to be saved.. For me it’s not the cost it’s about the message.. An art can changed the view point of others, their beliefs and sometimes their life..

I cant believe Im done watching the 88 episodes of the four seasons of One Tree Hill only within seven days.. One tree hill marathon.. hehehe!

I spent my not so good days on these, and somehow it made me relieved.

I really like the story.. full of drama, friendship and love..

Its really worth watching for..

 it shows that evil will never gonna win..

Iam looking forward on season five and six.. I don’t have a copy yet, but I cant wait to have it.

Lately I’ve thinking did I screwed up my life?.. Because right now most of the times I really felt loneliness, kind a lost on somehow..  Once I said that Iam ok, but it’s only for a moment.. moment when I have some people around.. At least I pictured that there still hope .

This has been one of the saddest parts of my life, its natural that people do a lot of things not to forget the happiest moment of their life, but for me its different I want to remember the bad ones so that one day I will say I surpassed that..

A saying said that if you are too happy for a moment later you will face sadness.. Im afraid that Im partly believing it right now.. life’s full of happiness and sadness.. it’s a matter of what will comes first, how long it will last.. but the fact is it is for you to handle.. all depends on how you interpret or handle it..

For me, in a battle its not important whether you win or lose it.. what matter is on how you fought on it..  It’s crazy for me that it eases the way iam feeling by listening to the not too happy music of Gavin DaGraw.. and watching the dramatic scenes of one tree hill.. and somehow Im addicted to it..  

It caters not only drama when you look it thoroughly.. somehow you will see the bright side of it.. there is a light in every darkness.. in me there are my family.. friends.. and God!

God is very good.. just want to thank to the two of my friend who felt that I had a problem when I texted them, kahit na I didn’t tell them what it was.. to the three of my friends that I have talked to in the afternoon and to the one that had read my post, thanks to your advice.. at least my nagbabasa sa blog ko.. hehehe!

A few hours a ago I found myself sitting on bus, teary eyed.. Looks stupid right? I cant believe its true. Im just thinking whats happening to me right now. Asking to myself is this the life you wanted? is that the person you want to become?

I was so afraid on that moment, seems that the things Ive planned is not happening. At first I really wanted to escape from my first job, I succeeded, then I became so happy. But right now seems that I had chosen a wrong decision.. and this is now the consequences.. Liked iam being so selfish for myself.. Im afraid that I couldnt get a new job, afraid on the crisis that world has, afraid that I will have the same feeling that I had on my first job..

I know I do have a family that are so being supportive for me, friends that I can talk to.. but I dont want to pass a burden on them and I dont want them to see me crying.. Please God.. I dont know what to do and where iam going to..

-          Lucas Scott , OTH

Time is running so swiftly, its going to be a month now since I’ve resigned from my first job and Iam still enjoying it.. hehe! And parang kaenroll ko lng sa Autocad class ko, 2 days to go it will be ending.. My eight days in class was full of fun..  san ka pa Mall yung school mo! But the disadvantage: gastos!  though that course is mostly for architect, civil and mechanical engineer, nakakasunod naman ako. My classmates were very cool, they’re not acting of who they are, and their actions is not necessarily for their age.. hehe!

At the beginning we were twelve in the class, and on our eight day di na pumasok yun isa.. we thought that he voluntarily dropped out, kasi laging late.. All of them are older than me.. except for our prof, he just graduated last 2008, Architecture in Adamson.  Ive been closed to four of them, we eat lunch together, we share work and personal experiences.. pero la pa yung kwentong lasing kasi two of them have their own family, isa sa 2 is babae, tpos un isa taga Calamba Laguna uwian.. cguro sa last day pwede na.. hehehe! Iam pretty sure that I will miss their company . kahit na we do have a short period of time together.., specially yung tanungan kung san kakain ng lunch though the class haven’t started yet.. for me they are true..

Aside from schooling, hinahati ko yung tambay mode ko in watching television series and some movies that Iam downloading from the net. Ive just finished Prison break up to season 4 episodes 13, and Iam still downloading the latest episodes.. Too bad because I also downloaded the movie Yes Man by pareng Jim Carey together and after a long hours of waiting, and when I played it boom: corrupted! Back to square 1, DL ulit.. Bad trip coz yung iba DLs ko di pa tapos..

So I decided to start watching One Three Hill.. Drama pala xa.. hehehe! but astig the story is good, and I think Iam starting to like it. Naka 2 episodes pa lng ako, I want to continue but I don’t have that enough sleep last night. Iam looking forward to finish it, and Iam surely I will.